The Strange Adventures of Mr. Middleton Read online

  _The Adventure of the Virtuous Spinster._

  Miss Almira Johnson was a virtuous spinster, aged thirty-nine, wholived in a highly respectable boarding-house on the north side. Herdays she spent in keeping the books of a large leather firm, in anoffice which she shared with two male clerks who were married, and ared-headed boy of sixteen, who was small for his age.

  On the evening when my tale begins, Miss Almira, tastefully attiredfor her night's rest in a white nightgown trimmed with blue lace, waspeeping under the bed for the ever-possible man, the nightly ritepreliminary to her prayers. She fell back gasping in a vain attempt toscream, but not a sound could she give vent to. The precaution ofyears had been justified. _There lay a man!_ He was habited in a verygenteel frock-suit, patent-leather shoes, and although it must havecaused him some inconvenience in his recumbent position, upon his headwas a correct plug hat. The elegance and respectability of his garbsomewhat reassured Miss Almira, who was unable to believe that one soapparelled could have secreted himself under her bed for an evilpurpose, when a new fear seized her, for arguing from this assumption,she concluded he must have been placed there by others and was, inshort, dead. Whereupon, having to some degree recovered possession ofherself, she was opening her mouth to scream at this new terror, whenthe man spoke.

  "Listen before you scream, I pray thee, beauteous lady, darling of mylife, pearl of my desires, star of my hopes."

  The strangeness of the address and the unaccustomed epithets causedMiss Almira to forbear, for she could not hear what he had to say andscream at the same time, and, moreover, she remembered how twentyyears before, Jake Long had fled, never to return to her side, whenafter telling her she was the sweetest thing in the world, she hadscreamed as his arms clasped about her in a bearish hug.

  "Fair lady, ornament of your sex, hear the words of your ardentadmirer before you blast his hopes."

  As he uttered these words, the stranger extricated himself from hisundignified position and sat down in a rocking chair before thebureau. Miss Almira was more than ever prepossessed as she saw he worewhite kid gloves and that in his shirt front gleamed a large diamond.He removed his hat, disclosing a heavy crop of black hair. He had blueeyes and a strong, clean-shaven face.

  "For some time I have observed you and wondered how I was to realizemy fondest hopes and make your acquaintance. All day you are in theoffice, where the two married men and the red-headed boy are always_de trop_. My employment is of a nature that takes me out nights. Infact, I teach a night school for Italians. To-day being an Italianholiday and so no school, and as there is a possibility I shall soonleave the city for an extended season, I have been unable to deviseany other means of declaring myself before the time for my departure.Pray pardon me for the abruptness and importunity of my declaration,pray forgive me for the unusual way which I have taken to secure aninterview alone with you. But if you only knew the ardor of my love,my impatience--oh, would that our union could be effected this verynight!"

  Ravished by the elegance of the stranger both in his outward seemingand his converse, melted by the warmth of a romantic devotion almostunknown in these degenerate days, though common enough of yore, MissAlmira paused a moment in the proud compliance of one about to gladlybestow an inestimable, but hardly hoped-for gift, and crying, "It canbe done, it shall be done," threw herself into the cavalier's arms.

  "How so?" asked the stranger, after Miss Almira had disengaged herselfat the elapse of a proper interval.

  "Why, the Rev. Eusebius Williams has the next room. We will call him."

  "But," said the stranger, "I thought the occupant of the next room wasMr. Algernon Tibbs, a gentleman from the country, who has recentlysold a large number of hogs here in the city and has been ill in hisroom for a space by reason of a contusion on the head from a goldbrick, which was, so to speak, twice thrown at his head, oncefiguratively as a ridiculously fine bargain which he refused to take,and again when the owner, angered, struck him with the rejected gold."

  "I see," said Miss Almira archly, "that in planning for this, you havetried to study the lay of the land; but be gratified, sir, for thelucky chance which prevented a sad mistake. Mr. Tibbs and I do occupyadjoining rooms. But the one Mr. Tibbs occupies is really mine. To-daywe exchanged and I will remain here for the four or five days Mr.Tibbs is to be in the city. He has a large sum of money in hispossession, so we all infer. At any rate, he was afraid to sleep inthis room, where there is a fire escape at the window, and took mine,where an unscalable wall prevents access. Suppose the Italian holidayhad been last night and you had come then. He would then have takenyou for a robber, notwithstanding that anybody could see you are agentleman."

  For the first time did Miss Almira become conscious she was not robedas one should be while receiving callers, and blushing violently, sheleaped into bed, whence she bid the stranger retire for a bit untilshe could dress, when they would invoke the kindly offices of the Rev.Eusebius Williams.

  "Your name," she called, as the stranger was about to retire.

  "My name," said he impressively, "which will soon be yours, isBreckenridge Endicott."

  "Mulvane," said Mr. Breckenridge Endicott to himself, noiselesslydescending the stairs, "what if she had screamed before you had pulledyourself together and thought of that stunt? You didn't get old Tibb'smoney, but you did get--away."

  Mr. Endicott tried the front door. To his apparent annoyance, therewas no bolt, no knob to unlock it, and key there was none. In theparlors, he could hear the voices of boarders.

  "No way there, Mulvane," said Mr. Endicott. "I'll go into the kitchenand walk out the back door. If there's anybody there, they'll think mea new boarder."

  But he started violently and stood for some moments trembling for noassignable reason, as he saw in front of the range a fat German hiredgirl sitting in the lap of a fat Irish policeman.

  "No go through Almira's room to the fire escape. But perhaps I can getout on the roof and get away somehow. She can't have dressed so soon,"and he ascended the stairs to run plump into Miss Almira, who poppedout of her room, resplendent in a rustling black silk.

  "Oh, you impatient thing," said Miss Almira, shaking a reprovingfinger. "I put this on, and then I thought I ought to wear somethingwhite, and so came out to tell you not to get impatient waiting, andwhy I kept you so long," and back she popped.

  "You are up against it, Mulvane," said Mr. Breckenridge Endicott,sitting disconsolately down upon the stairs. "Hold on, just the thing.Why, as her husband, you'll live here unsuspected and get in with oldTibbs. Why, the job will be pie. It won't be mean to her, either. Whenyou just vanish, she'll have 'Mrs.' tacked to her name, and that'llhelp her. It will be lots of satisfaction. They can't call her an oldmaid. 'Better 'tis to have loved and lost than never to have loved atall.' I'll give her some of the boodle. She isn't bad looking. Wonderwhy nobody ever grabbed on to her. If I had enough to live well, I'dmarry her myself and settle down."

  The Rev. Eusebius Williams, with ten dollars fee in his rightpantaloons pocket, and the radiant Almira, did not look happier duringthe wedding ceremony than did Mr. Breckenridge Endicott.

  It was seldom that Mr. Endicott was absent from the side of his wifeduring the next few days. Occasionally pleading urgent business, heleft her to go down town with Mr. Tibbs, whom he was seeking tointerest in a plan to extract gold from sea water, a plan upon whichMr. Tibbs looked with some favor, for as presented by Mr. Endicott, itwas one of great feasibility and promised enormous profits. In thesetting forth of the method of extraction, Mr. Endicott was much aidedby his wife, who overhearing him in earnest consultation with Mr.Tibbs bounded in and demanded to know what it was all about. Mr.Endicott demurred, saying it was an abstruse matter which should notburden so poetical a mind as hers. But Mr. Tibbs set it forth to herbriefly. Having in her youth made much of the sciences of chemistryand physics, to the great amaze and admiration of Mr. Endicott, shelaunched into a most lucid explication of the practicability of theplan, leaving Mr. Tibbs more than e
ver inclined to venture histhousands.

  "By Jove, she'll do, Mulvane. Why cut and run? Take her along. She isa splendid grafter," said Mr. Endicott to himself, as he and his wifewithdrew from the presence of Mr. Tibbs. "My dear," he continuedaloud, "I was overcome by respect for the way you aided me. You areindeed a jewel. I had never suspected you understood me, knew what Iwas, until you came in and explained that sucker trap. You are a mostunexpected ally. You perceive clearly how the thing works?"

  "Why, of course, Breckenridge. I have not studied science in vain,though I do not recall what part of the machine you call 'suckertrap'. Doubtless the contrivance marked 'converter,' in the drawings.Of course I understood you, right from the first, a noble, noble man,and so romantic. But Brecky, dear, why let other people share in thisinvention? Why not make all the money ourselves and become million,millionaires? I shall build churches and libraries and supportmissionaries. Why let Mr. Tibbs, who is a somewhat gross person, enjoyany of the fruits of your genius?"

  Whereupon Mr. Endicott's face took on an expression of deepdisappointment, disillusionment, and sorrow, until seeing his ownsorrow mingled with alarm reflected on his wife's face, he presentlyannounced that they would depart on their wedding journey by boat forMackinac three days hence.

  "I shall stop fiddle-faddling and settle the business which delays mehere, at one stroke. The old simple methods are the best."

  As Mr. and Mrs. Breckenridge Endicott were entering their cab to driveto the wharf, Mrs. Maxon, the landlady, came hurriedly with thescandal that Mr. Algernon Tibbs had been found in his room in thestupor of intoxication.

  "Why, he might have been robbed while in that condition," said Mrs.Maxon.

  "He will not be robbed while under your roof," said Mr. Endicottgallantly. "He is safe from robbing now. He will not, he cannot, I maysay, be robbed now."

  The sun was touching the western horizon as the steamer glided out ofthe river's mouth. The wind lay dead upon the water, and for a spacethe pair sat in the tender light of declining day indulging in thepleasures of conversation, but at length Mr. Endicott led his wife totheir stateroom.

  "On this auspicious day, I wish to make you a gift," and he handed hera thousand dollars in bills. "My presence is now required on the lowerdeck for a time. Be patient during my absence," whereupon he embracedher with an ardor he had never shown before and there was in his voicea strange ring of regret and longing such as Almira had never listenedto. It thrilled her very soul and bestowing upon him a shower ofpassionate kisses and an embrace of the utmost affection, theirparting took on almost the agony of a parting for years.

  "Where the devil is that coal passer Mullanphy, I gave a job to?" saidthe engineer on the lower deck. "Is he aboard?"

  "His dunnage is in his bunk, but nobody ain't seen him," replied oneof the crew.

  "Who the devil is that geezer in a Prince Albert and a plug hat thatjust went in back there, and what the devil is he up to?" said theengineer again, as a black-clothed figure passed toward the stern.

  A few moments later, a sturdy man in a jumper and overalls, his facesmeared with grime, peered cautiously around a bulkhead, and seeingnobody, stepped quickly to the side of the vessel, bearing a limp andspineless figure in a black frock and silk hat. With a dextrousmovement, he cast the thing forth, and as it went flopping through theair and slapped the water, from somewhere arose the voice of Mr.Breckenridge Endicott crying, "Help! help! help!"

  Mrs. Endicott, full of dole at the absence of her spouse and oppressedwith a nameless disquiet, had paced the upper deck impatiently, and atthis moment stood just above where her beloved went leaping to hisdoom. With one wild scream, she jumped, she scrambled, she fell to thelower deck, colliding with a man leaning out looking at the sinkingfigure. Down, with a vain and frantic clutching at the side that onlyserved to stay his fall so that he slipped silently into the waterunder the vessel's counter, went the unfortunate man.

  Plump, into the yawl with the rescue crew, went Mrs. Endicott. Farastern through the dusk could be seen a black silk hat on the stillwater. Astern could be heard the voice of Mr. Breckenridge Endicottcrying, "Quick, quick! I can swim a little, but I am almost gone!"

  "Turn to the left, to the left," cried Mrs. Endicott.

  "But the cries come from the right," said the coxswain.

  "That's his hat to the left. I know his hat. I saw him fall. I knowhis voice. It's his hat and his voice."

  The crew could have sworn that the cries came from the right, but tothe hat they steered and the cries ceased before their arrival. Theylifted the hat. Nothing beneath but eighty fathoms of water.

  It was some time thereafter that a fisherman came upon a corpsefloating inshore. Its face was bloated to such an extent as to preventrecognition. Its clothes were those of a steamboat roustabout. In thebreastpocket was a large pocketbook bearing in gilt letters thelegend, "Mr. Breckenridge Endicott."

  "The present I gave him on the morning of our departure!" exclaimedMiss Almira, "now so strangely found on the dead body of the man whorobbed him and probably murdered him."

  Although soaked, the bills were redeemable. The fisherman was afisherman who owned a town house on Prairie Avenue and a country houseat Oconomowoc and he would take no reward. The bills amounted to ninethousand dollars. Taking her fortune, Almira retired to her formerhome in Ogle county, Illinois, where once more meeting Mr. Jake Long,lately made a widower, after a decent period of waiting, they becameman and wife. So it ended happily for all except the person who calledhimself Mr. Breckenridge Endicott--though I suspect that was not hisname--and for Mr. Algernon Tibbs. Lest you waste pity on Mr. AlgernonTibbs, let me say that in his youth, he was accustomed to kill littlegirl's cats, and that his fortune was entirely one he beat out of hisbrother-in-law, James Wilkinson.